#13 Managing "difficult" collaborators – part 3
It's the final part of our mini-series. Here we talk about how to help your collaborators express what they want to say, and unblock their participation
In the final part of our mini-series on managing “difficult” collaborators, we’ll focus on those who struggle to communicate effectively. Communication barriers can arise for various reasons, including a lack of permission to speak freely or uncertainty about expressing their opinions or feelings. When collaborators can’t express what they want, it not only affects their contributions but can also derail the entire collaborative process through their overt or quiet withdrawal from the event, through frustration and pushing back against a process and even just through miscommunication causing a person, group or whole event to rabbit-hole into something that’s not productive.
Understanding the Issue
People may struggle to communicate for two main reasons:
Format Uncertainty: They might not know how to present their information to fit the expectations or context.
Permission Space: They may feel they don’t have the right to speak up or are worried about the consequences.
There are various ways of addressing the challenges, so let’s dive in!
Format Uncertainty
Helping people present their views in a clear, concise way contributes to the collaboration's goals.
Using Structured Canvases
One effective way to address format uncertainty is by using structured canvases. Canvases provide a coherent shared format that helps collaborators organise their thoughts and present them clearly. While they may seem restrictive initially, they can be co-created during the workshop for the flexibility you need.
As you get more comfortable creating canvases on the fly, it lets you extend your facilitation practice.
A canvas also means that an exercise's results are comparable across a group or even multiple sessions, which is valuable for both in-session understanding and post-session analysis.
In practice:
Pre-design canvases where you’re reasonably confident in the outcomes you want (this should be most of the time, and all of the time if you’re not super experienced!). That way, you can test them (always test!) and be well-versed in what you're going to say and what you're going to present.
The power of a printed canvas in an in-person workshop is really big. Printing big (A1/0) isn’t wildly expensive and gives people the wow factor.
You can also use tools like Figma to design a canvas on the spot on a big screen, allowing for real-time adjustments. That way if you have a stack of paper then people can draw out new canvases right away.
Building Cognition Time into Workshops
Giving participants time to process their thoughts improves the clarity and effectiveness of their communication. Not everyone can articulate their thoughts right off the bat, and instead, people need space around complex questions to make sure what they share carries the value it has the potential to.
In practice:
Silent brainwriting sessions. They give people time to consider their thoughts before sharing.
Use tools that allow people multiple attempts to articulate something. Things like 1-2-4-All - one of the great approaches to collaboration from "The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures (available as a book and also through a free app) -means that a collaborator only needs to introduce their thoughts to a single person before it grow to larger groups.
Allow silent reflection before and after group discussions to enable deeper thinking. Don't be scared of quiet. It's a really powerful way to help people process what's going on and to help them form their thoughts.
Permission space
Creating a safe space where all participants feel they have permission to speak is essential. "Safe Space" is a wide-ranging term, but I’m discussing two key aspects here.
That the speaker won't face repercussions for what they say.
That the speaker knows how they're expected to communicate.
The main way we do that is by establishing the rules of engagement. Setting rules allows everyone to know what's allowed and, therefore, what's not allowed. The boundaries do two key things.
They free people up to speak within them
They allow people to push back when someone crosses them.
Establishing the Rules of Engagement
Just like using canvases to capture outcomes, you can use a framework to provide expectations around conversations.
Debate, Discussion and Dialogue
This is the most gentle of the tools. You can introduce and recognise that there are different conversation modes, Debate, Discussion, and Dialogue, and guide people to the mode you want them to use.
Debate is a defensive battle between two sides, after which one will emerge triumphant. It is not generational or collaborative.
Discussion is an exchange of ideas, often to increase clarity. In a discussion, people wait to have the chance to inject their own thoughts, often as a monologue.
Dialogue is a conversation in which people work collaboratively towards creating a shared understanding.
We always want to encourage dialogue as the preferred mode for conversation within workshops because it focusses on co-creating solutions rather than competing ideas.
Radical Candor
Kim Scott developed the concept of radical candor, which emphasises caring personally while challenging directly. This framework helps create an environment where honest and constructive communication is encouraged.
In practice:
Introduce the concept and the two axis: challenging directly and caring personally.
Explain the four quadrants: Radical Candour, Ruinous Empathy, Manipulative Insincerity, and Obnoxious Aggression.
Use some examples and humour. There are good ones in the book, but for ruinous empathy, I use not telling someone they have toilet paper on their shoe to avoid embarrassment and for manipulative insincerity, saying "Sure, whatever" to end a discussion.
Leave the quadrants on the board so people can check themselves and others.
Enforce your framework using the language you've discussed.
For a full explanation, read her book on the approach.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC)
Non-Violent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, provides a structured way to express needs and feelings without assigning blame. It's very useful when discussing political subjects during specific conversations. Framing thoughts following the NVC formula can be tricky (which is one good reason to use it!), but I wouldn't recommend it as an approach for a whole day of conversations as it could become overbearing.
In practice:
Introduce the four components of NVC: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests.
When an appropriate conversation occurs, use a canvas for people to frame their comments. This can be a very quick or a longer activity.
Work with participants to frame actionable and respectful requests.
NVC is fully explained in the original book by Marshall Rosenberg, but I really recommend listening to the audiobook. He reads it himself, and it’s a lot like sitting in a lecture theatre and hearing someone really enthused about something they care about.
Six Thinking Hats
Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats is a personal favourite of mine. It's a very scalable technique that asks participants to think in different "modes" sequentially, creating space, creativity and critical thinking in a structured manner.
I've written a previous article on the six thinking hats, which you can read here 👇
Online and Hybrid Considerations
Finally, I want to touch on the unique challenges presented by online and hybrid sessions. The above frameworks help, but active facilitation is crucial in this setup.
In Practice:
Use features like “raise hands” or tools like Slido to manage participation.
Continually invite individuals to contribute and check in with each person.
In hybrid situations, it's particularly easy for in-person participants to monopolise the conversation. So, you need to intentionally reach out to people online or in other spaces and draw them in at every opportunity.
Wrapping up
Understanding and addressing the root causes of communication struggles can create a more inclusive and effective collaborative environment. Structured tools like Canvases, Radical Candour, Non-Violent Communication, and Six Thinking Hats provide frameworks that facilitate more transparent and constructive communication. Implementing these strategies helps ensure that every voice can be heard and valued. That will remove one of the key reasons that collaborators might become "difficult" and will help you manage your collaborations more effectively.
Ok, that's it for this issue of The Facilitation Studio and an end to our mini-series on managing "difficult" collaborators.
For more insights and tools on effective facilitation, subscribe to The Facilitation Studio, where we help you transform complex challenges into actionable strategies.
Until next time, happy facilitating!
Reading list
Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures: Simple Rules to Unleash A Culture of Innovation by Henri Lipmanowicz and Keith McCandless
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
Brilliant overview. Thanks John